Anxiety can significantly impact our well-being, bringing our self-concept to the forefront of our consciousness. While anxiety may unveil underlying concerns, it is crucial to listen to it for resolution. The primary source of anxiety often stems from our inner critical self, often adopted from external influences like parents, siblings, or societal expectations. This critical voice, while attempting to protect us, can become harmful due to its scolding, guilt-tripping nature.
The critical voice, born out of insecurity, serves as a coping mechanism that can be counterproductive. It tends to distance us from self-love and self-care, fostering a negative perception of ourselves. What makes the critical voice even more challenging is its contagious and transferable nature across generations. Breaking this cycle requires recognizing that the coping mechanisms of previous generations might not be suitable for us.
Furthermore, a significant contributor to anxiety is often our internal critical self, which frequently originates outside of our own thoughts. This critical inner voice is typically adopted from external influences such as parents, siblings, teachers, or our social network. It becomes intertwined with our own voice due to the continuous feedback and teachings we receive from the external environment regarding our self-perception.
The emergence of the critical voice is often rooted in a sense of insecurity, functioning as a coping mechanism to address these feelings of vulnerability. The critical voice aims to protect us, but the paradox lies in its detrimental effects on our well-being. Despite its protective intent, the critical voice is harmful due to its tendencies to scold, induce guilt, assign fault, and foster toxicity. This internal conflict arises from the critical voice’s configuration, as it endeavors to shield us in a negative manner. The very nature of its criticism contributes to harm, distorting our perception of the environment, making it appear more perilous. Consequently, this distancing effect undermines self-love and self-care, leading us to perceive ourselves as inherently flawed and encouraging self-critical treatment.
A crucial aspect to emphasize about the critical self is its contagious and transferable nature. The critical voice has a tendency to pass down from generation to generation, becoming an inherited trait until the cycle is broken. It’s essential to recognize that the coping mechanism of others, reflected in the critical voice, might have served them well, but it may not be beneficial for you. If you’re the individual who has successfully disrupted this critical and toxic cycle, refraining from passing it on to the next generation, then you deserve to commend yourself.
The most effective means of soothing the critical voice is to wholeheartedly embrace self-love, self-care, and empathy.
Cultivating self-love involves directing your attention to your strengths, contemplating your accomplishments, and recognizing your endeavors, even if your goals remain unrealized. It entails actively seeking validation from within, liberating yourself from dependencies on external emotional support. Viewing negative traits as opportunities for improvement, the emphasis shifts towards fostering a compassionate connection with yourself. This encompasses cherishing every aspect of your being, including your body, emotions, and behavior, and finding joy in the unique qualities that define you.
Prioritize self-care by honoring both your physical and emotional limits. Place significance on your beliefs and priorities, making your needs a priority while also acknowledging and respecting the needs of others. Establish clear boundaries with both yourself and others, valuing your opinions even when others may not. Stand up for yourself, articulate your concerns with respect, and grant yourself the necessary rest when it is required.
Extend empathy to yourself by seeking to comprehend the motives behind your actions. Acknowledge your needs, understand that certain factors are beyond your control, and recognize that you are not accountable for them. Consider life’s challenges as motivators propelling you towards your goals.
The following details my engagement with my critical voice, wherein I took the time to sit with it, attentively listened, acknowledged the dynamics of our relationship, identified its origin (clearly discerning that it is not inherently mine), responded thoughtfully, and permitted myself to engage in activities that fostered self-love, care, and empathy.
The critical voice scolds me, stating, “You are overweight and fat!” This scolding involves self-blame, as I perceive myself through the lens of faults. This aspect of the critical voice is influenced by societal beauty standards, which I have adopted from the external environment. The critical voice, in its attempt to shield me from potential future sadness linked to my eating and exercise habits, insists on scolding me. It pressures me to reduce inches and weight preemptively, emphasizing conformity to societal norms for acceptance, thereby attempting to fulfill my need for societal approval.
Responding with empathy, I acknowledge that my body feels bloated and vulnerable. Recognizing my need for energy, I choose to nourish myself with healthy food. Today, I don’t feel inclined to exercise, as my energy levels are low, and motivation is lacking.
Critical Voice is attacking me: You haven’t accomplished much in your life; there’s a need to do more. What you’ve achieved so far is insufficient.
Expressing gratitude for my accomplishments: I’ve accomplished numerous things in my life (provide a detailed list of achievements) and conclude by affirming that I am proud of myself.
My critical voice is offering negative motivation: observe how others are actively accomplishing many things; you need to elevate your efforts.
Responding assertively and establishing boundaries with my critical self: What others are accomplishing in their lives may be well-suited to their circumstances. However, the constant pressure from my critical self places me in an unending race against societal standards, which might be suitable for them but doesn’t align with my path. Presently, I am content, happy, satisfied, and secure, acknowledging the numerous blessings that my critical self fails to recognize and appreciate.
Directing me negatively: You have to do something productive over the weekend, read a book, do preparation for IELTS, and clean your closet.
My response with nurturing self-care: My weekends are meant for rest, especially after a challenging week; I deserve this time to recharge. I don’t feel inclined to be overly productive, and I recognize the importance of caring for myself. I plan to indulge in some Netflix binge-watching from the comfort of my bed and enjoy a good meal. It’s worth noting that I have client commitments over the weekend, contributing in my own way. I am making a positive impact within my capacity, and I don’t feel the need to exceed my limits. (My rebellious side is evident, expressing frustration towards my critical voice.)
Examining your relationship with the critical voice is crucial. Are you engaged in a power dynamic, and if so, who holds the upper hand? Do you find yourself adhering strictly to the directives of the critical voice? Reflect on your role in this relationship — are you acting as a submissive follower, a defiant rebel, or an empowered individual establishing boundaries with the critical self? Consider whether there’s a love-hate dynamic at play. By identifying the nature of this relationship, remember to trace its origins. It might mirror patterns from your family, social circle, teachers, or culture. If you discover tendencies of submission or rebellion, it could signify an unintentional delegation of power to the critical voice.